It comes to an end that says I have genuine feelings for her. Not out of jealousy but pure, simple truth that I like her. I shall dismiss the betrayal act the ex has made; I would get my chance to show her I'm not so guilable to be dumped, and move on to a next phase. They say that with every relationship, the next would be a more meaningful one.
Thus I have been wondering: I like her, so what? She might not even realize my presence and such or and most probably have another person in mind. I did work my way through my previous one, but it ended up making me feel depressed that I felt real hatred and anger from my "dismissal". I would sacrifice everything and anything, but that might not change the way she feels about me.
I had gathered my courage and asked before, but only to get a nay. "better off as friends", was the phrase. this has also got stuck in my head and probably is the thing preventing me from going any further. i really want to, but the outcome always scares me.

hell ya peeps, tomorrow's the last paper! A-maths is the only the paper in the way to play and freedom from the rotting textbooks. soon we'll shall all go out to eat fresh oysters at Sakura!
today's chinese and english papers isn't that all too hard. somehow my mcq for chinese can suck for all i care i dont understand the passages, but for the writing comprehension part i fully understood though. ironic huh.
ended my english paper 45 minutes before stop time. looked up and it seems like everyone is writing an essay everybody's scribblin' till the nuts rot away. spent most of the time chewing my gum and blowing bubbles. got caught by tcs. said that my chewing can be heard a mile away to where he is sitting. tapped my feet and fingers to the beat of my preferred musics. finally papers are collected and off to tenchi to play dota. damned 5v3 plus noob-o in the 3 man team losing is assured, but tanglin wont go down without a fight. lost it eventually la, but good game played.
went home maple bit(eh gg to 2nd job and stuck at lvl 28!!) and napped a while and off to memorise math formulas. done that and off to the blogging then there.

Well, I feel weird. Why you may ask, is that having feelings for someone and not sure whether it is true. Could I have been trying to fill the hole when she threw me away? Is it that i'm scared of another rejection or the way I treat her if it happens? Ex and one of my bros got together.

Maybe I was jealous, so finding one to prove my worth was imperiative to find solace. Being a competitive person, that, could be my most driving reason. Why of all people I had to fall for her? Nope it wasn't the classical "I like the way you smile" kind of thing, but probably was drawn to her attitude. Must be good, all would think, but in actual fact it is otherwise. Many would say she is naive , loud and rash , but I see her with another image.my judgment is too bent to decide.

When did all this happen? During the last year end hols tat much interaction with her might have done something. Drawn, enchanted, mesmerized, I do not understand. But every morning she gets her stuff in the SC room, I might have felt something.
All this comes down to one thing: is getting in this business right, fit, even just for us? This is making me spin, but I will wait again to see what happens to me, what feelings and reactions I make.

March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
August 2007
September 2007